


A Troubled Child

by thegraceinyoureyes



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Depression, F/F, M/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-28
Updated: 2013-04-28
Packaged: 2017-12-09 20:52:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/777872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegraceinyoureyes/pseuds/thegraceinyoureyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That was when everything got bad. Will felt like his life was collapsing around him; his saftey net, his anchor to reality, his world, was gone, and he couldn't cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Troubled Child

To call Will a difficult child would be something of an understatement. As a toddler, he stumbled around causing his parents as much trouble as a two-foot high child with shining eyes could. After his father's death, Will found himself filled with so much bitterness for such a young boy, and directed it at the cause of his dad's death: his mother. It was barely a year before she, with a fitful sigh, joined her husband, and Will was alone in the world.

" _Mum?" Disbelief, shock, so little grief that he felt guilty, and fear._

" _Come on, Will." Skinny arms around his torso, getting him onto his feet and leading him into the warmth._

Alone, that is, except for Merlin. Hunith took Will in, cared for him until he was old enough to live on his own, and Merlin was there, smiling. They played laughed, grew, Merlin danced to music that Will hated, and Will smoked cigarettes that Merlin would always try to steal and destroy. Merlin kept him sane.

" _Would you_ stop _!" For the second time that day, Merlin succeeded in snatching away Will's cigarette and grinding it into the dirt underneath his trainer. "You said you'd quit!"_

_Merlin's bright, angry gaze pinned Will in place, and Will found that he couldn't bring himself to get pissed off in the face of such unfailing love._

" _No I never."_

" _Well, promise me_ now _that the one you're currently polluting your lungs with will be your last!" Will shrugged, but eventually nodded, if just to see the wondrously joyous expression on Merlin's face._

Will had no intention of this ever changing, until a new kid and his step-sister joined their school, in Will and Merlin's year. Merlin was enamoured. Instantly. Will knew he could never compete with a tall, unfairly handsome and rich blond, who knew how to push all of Merlin's buttons in a way that left Merlin white with rage and dizzy with lust. Arthur Pendragon, Will hated.

" _Back off, fag, we're_ busy _." Will ignored the tough-looking guy cornering Gwen, knowing that Merlin'd have his head if he'd let anything happen to her. "Didn't you hear me, you fucking_ queer _?"_

" _Come on, Gwen, we're leaving." Gwen took his hand gratefully and let him pull her against him._

" _Hey, did I_ say _that you could leave?" The guy grabbed Gwen's arm, squeezing so tight that she let out a small whimper. Will's fist was ploughing into the guy's face before he had time to think. The guy stumbled back, touching his bruised cheek, looking incredulous and angry, "Oh. You are_ for it _now, fag." Will never could pack a good punch, but he squared up for a fight because fighting was all he was ever semi-decent at._

_But then Arthur was there, his face firm. "Valiant, leave it. Don't bother her again, am I understood?"_

" _What the fuck, Arty?" Arthur gave the guy – Valiant – a cold look, and Valiant held up his hands and snickered once at Gwen before ambling off._

" _You ok?" Arthur asked Gwen gently. She nodded, sniffed, and said thanks. "Don't worry about it – Morgana'd have my head if I hadn't done anything." Gwen flushed, and smiled. Will stalked off._

It wasn't so much that he hated Arthur – Will was sure that Arthur was a positively _lovely_ guy – but he hated the effect that Arthur's loveliness had on Merlin. Gwen was rarely seen without Morgana following, at the very most, two steps behind, and Merlin and Arthur were attached at the hip. They had every lesson together, and Will was alone, once more. He felt horribly betrayed by the one sure thing he'd had in his life.

He climbed onto the roof of the supermarket where he worked, and got through three packs of Marlboro. No one was there to stop him, and he wanted to cry. It was just him, his choice of slow poison, and the darkening sky.

_Will hadn't wanted to go to Arthur's house in the first place, but Merlin had persuaded him, and a mini-party seemed to have erupted. Morgana and Gwen had been tottering around, arms around each other's waist, mocking the people they saw. Will told the truth when he drank, so didn't. He just wanted to find Merlin so they could leave._

_He'd found his way upstairs, into a room filled with footie posters, and trophies, and so many pictures of Arthur and Merlin that Will knew it must be the blond's bedroom. A noise from behind a door in the corner. Will pushed it open. Saw Merlin on his knees in front of Arthur, Arthur's head thrown back as his large hands clutched Merlin's hair, forcing him down. Merlin was moaning loudly, as he watched Arthur from under his lashes. Will felt sick as he turned and ran._

That was when everything got bad. Will felt like his life was collapsing around him: his safety net, his anchor to reality, his world, was gone, and he couldn't cope. He wandered, and ended up at wild parties getting off with people he didn't know. He spent his money on drugs, the harder the better – anything to try and make himself think that none of this had ever happened, that Merlin was still his, and not someone else's, but _his_ for once.

" _C'mon, Will! It'll be_ great _, and you know it won't be the same without you!" Merlin tugged insistently on Will's hand, and Will tried to resist the urge to smile. "Arthur, help me convince Will to come on Saturday!" Will instantly scowled as Arthur's dishevelled blond hair appeared round the doorway._

" _Yeah, it's gonna be an awesome party – you should come, man." Arthur grinned easily at Will, coming up behind Merlin to sling an arm around his neck._

" _No thanks." Will said harshly. "I'm busy."_

" _Busy?" Merlin blinked for a second, "Whatcha doing?"_

" _Do I have to tell you_ everything _I do! Who do you think you are, my_ mother _? Oh no, wait, you can't be 'cause she's_ dead _! But you already know that, don't you? Because brave, chivalrous Merlin offered poor orphaned me a home, his_ own _home in fact! But you know what,_ Merlin _? I don't need your_ pity _. Wait, scratch that, I don't need_ you _."_

_Merlin went very pale at that. Arthur saw, and stepped between them. "I think you should leave now." He said quietly._

_Will stared up at Arthur. "You actually think that you love him more than I do, don't you? That you know what's best for him." Arthur looked faintly stunned. Will laughed bitterly. "You know what, maybe you do. If anyone wants me, I'll be on a roof somewhere."_

And then-

" _Sorry, but I've got to lock up soon." Will turned and saw a boy around his age in the staff uniform standing in the doorway that led onto the roof. "Will, isn't it? You've got about ten minutes. Thought you'd want to know." And boy smiled, such a sweet, open smile._

" _Wa... wait, Lance... Lancelot, right?" Will slurred, trying to focus. The boy smiled again._

" _That's me. Um, forgive me for being a nosy arsehole, but are you ok? No offence, or anything, but you look like shit."_

_Will laughed. "I've been b, better, truth be told."_

_Lancelot came over to stand beside where Will was sitting, his legs dangling off the edge. He was good-looking, Will noticed in his inebriated state: thick dark hair hanging into his smooth brown eyes, tanned skin, tall and strong. "You're not planning on offing yourself, are you?" The boy asked, looking at Will curiously. Will laughed again, looked down at the car park below, and shrugged. "Well, as a total stranger, I ask you not to."_

" _Why?"_

" _So I'll have someone to talk to on my next shift; everyone else here keeps wanting to pet my hair."_

" _It is very pet-able." Will grinned. "Okay, fine, I promise not to jump."_

" _Good." Lancelot gave him that sweet smile again as he started to leave. "Call me Lance, by the way."_

Will skipped the next four days of school. They'd gone back to Lance's house, and neither left other than to go to the supermarket, where they would have mop fights, and laugh. Four days. He didn't really believe it when Lance told him that it'd only been _four_ days. It felt like several lifetimes had sauntered past, and Will hadn't cared. Eons since Merlin, and the sight of those hands. Thick and firm and grasping in Merlin's hair. Will thought he'd have nightmares, but he didn't. There, in Lance's bed, Lance's smell surrounding him, and Lance's regular breathing beside him, Will slept peacefully.

" _I'm gonna get you!" Lance shrieked in the most un-manly way possible – Will would have laughed, and teased, had be not been intent on catching Lance – and fled._

" _No you're not!" Lance cried over his shoulder as he skidded round the corner on the organic veg aisle._

_Will slipped on a patch of wet floor, skidded and crashed to the floor, vacuumed-packed lettuce raining down around him. Lance had wheeled round, and was standing over Will, laughing loudly. "You look... ahaha... ridiculous!"_

" _Ta." Will muttered, glaring._

" _Aw, now, come on." Lance offered him a hand and easily lifted Will to his feet – was the guy_ made _of muscle! – and deftly kicked the lettuce behind a cardboard avert for something or other as the manager rounded the corner._

"William _! Trying to corrupt our dear Lancelot now, are we?" The balding woman tutted at Will, trying to hook her arm through Lance's affectionately as Lance subtly dodged._

" _Actually, I rather think that_ I'm _corrupting_ him _, Maureen." Lance said brightly, sliding an all-too-intimate arm around Will's waist. Will grinned and played along, putting an arm over Lance's shoulder and playing with the mahogany hair at the nape of Lance's neck._

_They sauntered off like that, only pausing to disentangle themselves when out of her eyesight, laughing brightly. Will couldn't help but smile when Lance looked at him. Will would later reflect that he didn't particularly mind being corrupted._

Will began to feel whole again until Lance made him go back to school. 'I'm at college, I don't have to go everyday – you do. I'm not going to be the one responsible for ruining your education.' Will had told Lance everything, and used this to try and persuade Lance to let him stay there. Lance said it was all the more reason for him to go, and even walked him to the school's entrance. Merlin and Arthur were there in the car park, getting out of Arthur's car. Will started shaking. He didn't realise he was until Lance looked at him, and asked if he was alright.

" _That them?" Lance saw the way the dark-haired boy was staring at Will, and the possessive arm the blond put around him. Will nodded, looking like he wanted to run, or throw up, or both. "Hey, hey," Lance took Will's face between his palms and forced Will to look at him. "It's ok, yeah? I'm here. It's not their fault."_

 _Will stared,_ 'it's not their fault' _, what wasn't? Surely, but no, it couldn't be that simple – Lance couldn't have figured him out totally in the space of four days, could he? Not when he'd been trying for years._

" _You see now, then. That you were blaming them for your own mistakes." Will felt like the words should make him angry, but he couldn't summon the energy. "You see?"_

" _I, I see you." Will stuttered._

_The air left Lance's lungs in a rush, and his face was suddenly awash with emotion. "About time, too."_

The meeting between Merlin, Arthur and Lance was awkward to say the least. Lance was perfectly civil, to Will's everlasting disappointment – he wanted Lance to punch Arthur, at the very least – and Arthur was as relaxed and as charming as ever, although Will saw the tension around the eyes as Arthur glanced at Merlin, checking he was okay. It was sweet, Will supposed. In a totally weird and perverse way.

Merlin was quiet, biting his lip, or fidgeting with the hem of his t-shit. Will didn't try to catch his eye. Forgiveness would come, eventually, but he didn't think that him and Merlin would ever be quite the same again. Not that it mattered.

When Will loved, he loved fiercely, passionately, and with every ounce of his being. Merlin had shattered that, but Lance had put him back together, and now Will's heart belonged to someone else. Merlin was happy, and he was glad about that, but all that really mattered was that he was happy: truly happy, and he realised that he hadn't been for a long time.

After the awkward talking stage had progressed to the party that Morgana had thrown for her and Gwen's four month anniversary – 'A whole third of a _year_ , guys!' – Lance came up behind Will, slipped his hand into his, and whispered, "Wanna get out of here?"

Will grinned, "I thought you'd never ask."

  


**Author's Note:**

> This was published on ff.net and livejournal quite a while ago, but I've just got around to moving all of my work onto here. For more of my writing before it's posted on here/updates on other fics, check out my [tumblr](http://thegraceinyoureyes.tumblr.com/).


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